As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.
– Genesis 50:20
As soon as I saw the positive lines on the pregnancy test, I knew I was getting an abortion. It was the year 2000. I was working towards my degree and I had a good job. I was terrified of my parents finding out about my pregnancy. I just knew they would cut me out of their life. Plus, independent me really didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. Abortion seemed like the only smart option.
I didn’t give the guy a choice. I immediately made an appointment with Planned Parenthood. After my procedure, I left feeling relieved because nobody had found out, so it was like it never happened. Or so I thought. It wasn’t until a year later when I saw pro-life protesters on campus that it hit me what I had done. That’s when God started a 13 year-long process to bring me back to him.
Although I had grown up going to church, I had no relationship with the Lord. So for the next 13 years I suffered through anger, guilt, regret and depression. I looked for escape in unhealthy behaviors and fell further into a pit of shame. In my first marriage, we couldn’t get pregnant, so I assumed that God was punishing me for my abortion.
In 2013, a friend invited me to Watermark Church and I gave myself to Christ. My heart and my life changed overnight. I used to look for approval from guys and relationships. Now, all I needed was the Lord.
In my new connection with God, He convicted me that abortion was wrong. It was then that I truly understood the injustice I had committed against His precious creation. However, I also came to understand that by His grace I was forgiven.
God started putting it on my heart to be there for other women at the crossroads of choosing abortion. I had never heard of pregnancy resource centers until someone from this Center came to speak at an event I helped organize.
I started the process of becoming a volunteer advocate at the Center and I went through a post abortion healing course. That program galvanized my relationship with the Lord and helped me to release my guilt. My baby was given dignity and a name.
I started volunteering at the Center in January 2016. I was terrified to share the gospel my entire first year as an advocate. With encouragement, I learned how to ask questions and share the Good News. Because of my past, I can show love and compassion to women that choose abortion. I can offer them resources for healing and a path to the Healer. Because I have walked in their shoes, my clients facing crisis pregnancies feel loved and cared for, not condemned.
Every time I am here I feel like I am a mission that the Lord has given me. It’s an amazing environment and a Godly place. Encouraging. Secure. Full of the love of Jesus.
Before I gave my life to Christ I felt useless and worthless. The Lord gave me purpose and I get to live out that calling as a volunteer here. I use my personal story to reach abortion vulnerable women for Life. What Satan intended for evil, God uses for good.